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WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Bill Goldberg
(WWE.com)

WWE Special Events

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game

WWE Fastlane 2017 predictions by way of a drinking game. Seriously, don’t try this at home.

WWE Fastlane 2017 is the final stop on the “Road to WrestleMania™”. Therefore, the Turn Heel WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game is the final drinking game before WrestleMania.

As usual, this game is presented as a fun way to try to predict the results of an upcoming WWE PPV. We obviously do not advocate actually playing this game due to the extreme nature of the challenge presented here. In other words, don’t try this at home.

Standard Turn Heel WWE PPV drinking game rules apply for the WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game: If you’re playing on “Easy Mode” take a sip of beer or of a mixed drink when the game calls for it. If you’re playing on “Hardcore Mode” take a full shot of hard liquor or entire can/bottle of beer each time the game calls for it.

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game – Kickoff Show

So far, there is only one announced Kickoff Show match. Thus, I will make some general Kickoff Show rules before we get into the one announced match.

Take a shot:

If Charly Caruso hosts the Social Media Lounge segment

If Jericho shows up during the Kickoff Show in any capacity

If Sasha vs. Nia Jax gets bumped to the Kickoff Show

If Titus O’Neil, the Shining Stars, and/or the Big Show end up on the Kickoff Show in some fashion

Take 2 shots:

If The New Day show up during the Kickoff Show…

and take 2 more shots if they mention Ice Cream and/or destroy an electronic device

If Cesaro and/or Sheamus have a match or otherwise appear on the Kickoff Show

Take 3 shots:

If Tom “Massive” Phillips hosts the Social Media Lounge segment…

… and take 3 more shots if the guest is either Kevin Owens or Chris Jericho

… and take 3 more shots if jokes are made about how disgusting Tom is again.

Okay, on to the only announced Kickoff Show match…

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Rich Swann, Akira Tozawa, Brian Kendrick, & Noam Dar

(WWE.com)

Rich Swann & Akira Tozawa vs. Brian Kendrick & Noam Dar

Hey, imagine that! A random tag match from the Cruiserweight Division on the Kickoff Show! This one combines two stories that WWE is trying to build on 205 Live to varying degrees of success. First, we’ve got the newcomer Tozawa getting harassed by the veteran Kendrick over some perceived disrespect. Kendrick has been teaching Tozawa “lessons” on Raw and 205 Live and it’s built up to the point that Tozawa is ready to destroy Kendrick. Swann and Dar have a much weaker storyline going on where Swann hit on Dar’s girlfriend, Alicia Foooooox, sorta, kinda, but not really? And on this week’s 205 Live, Fox received a mysterious gift of flowers, which she ate (don’t ask), and it is implied they were from Swann, even though Dar took the credit. So, yeah, here we are. Of note, WWE seems to be slowly building up Tony Nese and Mustafa Ali as big deals in the division, but neither are booked on this show.

Take a shot:

Every time we’re reminded we can’t see action like this on SmackDown Live

If Dar doesn’t come out with Alicia Fox

If Kendrick teaches Tozawa “Lesson Five” at any point before, during, or after the match

If Dar finds any excuse to say “Foooooooooooox”

If Tozawa gets the clean win for his team…

… and take another shot if he pins Dar

Take 2 shots:

If Alicia Fox accompanies Dar to the ring

If Alicia Fox factors into the match’s outcome in any way

If Alicia receives more flowers from a guy dressed up like a Ghostbuster

If Kendrick gets the win for the heel team

Take 3 shots:

If Alicia Fox eats anything on camera during this match

If Swann is revealed as Fox’s secret admirer

If Tozawa gets a clean pin on Kendrick

Take 4 shots:

If Tajiri shows up during or after the match and blasts Kendrick with more green mist

If Swann gets the clean pin for his team

Chug:

For the duration of Tozawa’s “Ah! Ah! Ah!” scream

Take 5 shots:

If Noam Dar gets a win on PPV

Finishing Out: I’m torn between the faces winning with Tozawa getting the spotlight and Kendrick cheating to win and thus giving Tozawa another lesson. WWE seems high on Tozawa, so I’ll go with “face team wins” and Kendrick either screws with him after the match or on Raw Monday night.

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Sasha Banks & Nia Jax

(WWE.com)

Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

So, here we are again. This exact match was on the Royal Rumble Kickoff Show and was 100% a vehicle to get Nia Jax over as a monster heel. Since then? She’s ran over “local talent” and been on the periphery of the Raw Women’s Title picture. As for Sasha? She’s either been injured, “injured” (?), or Bayley’s second. After all, this is the Raw women’s division where you’re either in the title feud, a bit player on the edges of the title feud, or not on TV. The rumor mill alleges we’re getting a Fatal Four Way for the title at WrestleMania between Charlotte, Bayley, Sasha, and Nia – so I suppose this is here to get some exposure back on Sasha and Nia again since neither has done much over the past month and a half.

Take a shot:

If the entire match revolves around Sasha’s knee that was either shoot injured (?) or work injured by Nia

If Bayley comes out to give Sasha support at any point of the match

If Ric Flair comes out to give Sasha support at any point of the match

Take 2 shots:

If Nia Jax goes over clean in under 5 minutes

If Sasha Banks does her double knee spot even though she maybe (?) still has a bad knee

If Dana Brooke randomly shows up to intervene on Nia’s behalf

Take 3 shots:

If Sasha Banks taps Nia Jax out to the Banks Statement

If any long-lost member of the Raw women’s division makes an appearance during this match

Take 4 shots:

If Emma returns and levels both Banks and Jax and poses in her cop shades as we go to break

Finishing Out: I’m assuming Nia goes over clean and in a convincing fashion. Since WWE dropped the ball on both women post-Rumble, I guess we’re getting a repeat now that WrestleMania is only just weeks away.

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Sami Zayn & Samoa Joe

(WWE.com)

Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe

It appears that this match was originally supposed to be Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe, considering the way that Joe was brought up onto the main roster. But, Rollins is out, so Zayn has been thrust into this spot. These two have a tangential relationship from NXT, but it was nothing a few Samoa Joe disses and some post-match brawls couldn’t make into a bigger deal to justify a spot on the Fastlane card.

Take a shot:

If Joe goes over with a uranage

If Zayn enters first and is attacked by Joe before making it to the ring

If Triple H accompanies Joe to the ring

Take 2 shots:

If Zayn defies the odds and comes out on top

If Joe taps Zayn out to the Coquina Clutch

If Kevin Owens shows up to distract Zayn during the match

Take 3 shots:

If Triple H appears post-match to direct traffic in a post-match Joe beat down

If Rollins appears post-match to interrupt said Triple H / Joe beat down

If Pete Dunne appears after the match to help Joe beat Zayn down

If Zayn foams from the mouth by way of the Coquina Clutch

Take 4 shots:

If Joe gives Sami Zayn the Muscle Buster at least once during this match

If Seth Rollins runs in, sans crutches, to distract Joe and allow Zayn to win the match

Finishing Out: Joe wins here. I mean he has to. They haven’t really been doing anything with Zayn, but he seemed primed for a U.S. Title program with Jericho until Rollins got hurt. It’s looking more and more like Triple H is building a “top guys” heel stable so a convincing Joe win here would keep that potential program on track.

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, Enzo Amore, & Big Cass

(WWE.com)

Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows (c) vs. Enzo & Big Cass (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match)

Wow, what a mess the Raw tag division is in, beyond who the champs are. That said, however, the champs have not really done anything since winning the titles, unless you count losing handicap matches to Roman Reigns as “something”, which you should not. Enzo & Cass get the shot here by virtue of Sheasaro getting a billion shots and there not really being any other convincing teams to challenge The Club for the titles. On the flip side, Enzo & Cass are fresh from that cringe-worthy program with Handsome Rusev & Hardbody Mahal which I know I wish I could wipe from my memory. A loud section on the internet, at least, has turned on Enzo & Cass due to their act not progressing one bit in their time on the main roster. Same schtick, same intro, no growth. They’ve been teasing a split as Cass seems to be getting at least a little annoyed with Enzo in the backstage segments, but that doesn’t mean this ends up meaning something. See Bray Wyatt making Xavier Woods “shook” last year and, beyond a Royal Rumble call back spot, there was nothing to it.

Take a shot:

If champs enter first so Enzo can cut a promo on them

If Enzo compares The Club to something trendy right now in his pre-match promo

If Enzo compares The Club to something retro-chic in his pre-match promo

If Gallows & Anderson hit Magic Killer at least once but don’t get a pinfall out of it

Take 2 shots:

If Gallows & Anderson retain with Magic Killer

If Gallows & Anderson retain by way of a DQ loss

If Cesaro and/or Sheamus intervene at any point in the match

Take 3 shots:

If Enzo & Cass shock the world and become the Raw tag team champs

If Gallows & Anderson retain with the Boot of Doom

If the New Day randomly get involved since they’re not booked on the card

Take 4 shots:

If the match ends in a no contest (so we can have the “rematch” on Raw the next night)

Take 6 shots:

If Broken Matt Hardy and Brother Nero appear after the match and stake their claim to the Raw tag team titles

Finishing Out: I’m going with Anderson & Gallows retaining. Enzo’s promo on Monday that was so over the top “we’ve already won” tells me that they’re booked to lose here. Of course, we’ll probably get another match on Raw either the next night or at some point between now and WrestleMania. The Raw tag division has a few teams (and the New Day who are floundering and not really doing anything) and the rest are underexposed and couldn’t be viewed as a threat. I’m sure we’ll get sick of The Club vs. The Realest Guys in the Room over the coming weeks.

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Neville & Jack Gallagher

(WWE.com)

Neville (c) vs. Gentleman Jack Gallagher (WWE Cruiserweight Championship match)

The self-proclaimed King of the Cruiserweights versus a proper English gentleman. I couldn’t be more excited since this is possibly the best built Cruiserweight title feud we’ve had for the fledgling division. Neville has rights to claim he’s made the division, as his new heel persona has been incredible. He’s managed to stoke the flames by calling Gallagher a walking, talking British stereotype. Gallagher answers those criticisms by doing more of his schtick and it’s been one of the few things in the division lately that has kept my attention.

Take a shot:

If a “tea and biscuits” chant breaks out

If at least two umbrellas factor into the match

If Neville stares at a small child during his entrance

For each headbutt that Gallagher connects with

Take 2 shots:

If Neville taps Gallagher out to the Rings of Saturn

If at least three umbrellas factor into the match

If any other Cruiserweights get involved during or after the match

If Neville breaks at least one umbrella over his knee

Take 3 shots:

If Austin Aries leaves commentary and intervenes during the match

Take 4 shots:

If Austin Aries does the “post-match interview”, but levels the champ to establish himself in the division

Take 5 shots:

If Gallagher becomes the new Cruiserweight Champion

Finishing Out: I think Neville retains here. This match could very well end up being the sleeper hit of the show. My money is also on Aries throwing his hat in the ring after the match to build towards something at WrestleMania. Even if that means we get some sort of multi-man match to avoid the heel vs. heel thing, it seems like that is the direction things are going with hype Aries is getting on WWE TV right now.

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Bayley & Charlotte Flair

(WWE.com)

Bayley (c) vs. Charlotte Flair (WWE Raw Women’s Championship match)

Charlotte Flair doesn’t lose on PPV. Full stop. Bayley has replaced Sasha Banks as the talent they allow to have a brief reign between PPVs after winning the title on Raw. I don’t see Fastlane being the PPV where Charlotte ends her streak. They’re going to save that for Mania or SummerSlam. Also, factor in the rumors that we’re getting a “Fatal Four Way” at WrestleMania, so expect Sasha Banks and Nia Jax to factor in here somewhere too.

Take a shot:

If Charlotte Flair enters alone

If Sasha Banks is too beat up from her earlier match to accompany Bayley to the ring

If Bayley enters first even though she’s the champ

Each time Charlotte slaps the Figure Eight on Bayley

Take 2 shots:

If someone bleeds to continue the tradition of PPV women’s matches having blood

If Dana Brooke accompanies Charlotte to the ring

If Charlotte taps Bayley out with the Figure Eight

Take 3 shots:

If Nia Jax accompanies Charlotte to the ring

If Charlotte goes over with a Natural Selection

If Dana Brooke interferes or distracts the ref in any fashion

Take 4 shots:

If Sasha Banks comes out and accidentally costs Bayley the title

If Nia Jax comes out during the match for a distraction

Take 5 shots:

If Ric Flair comes out during the match for a distraction

If Sasha turns on Bayley after the match, regardless of the outcome

Take 6 shots:

If Bayley ends Charlotte’s PPV win streak

Finish the bottle:

If Emma comes out and lays waste to the Raw women’s division

Finishing Out: Charlotte Flair becomes a “five time, five time, five time, five time, five time” champ. Seriously, it’s what is going to happen. The only “what ifs” here are if her Dad gets involved and if Banks turns heel on Bayley.

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Roman Reigns & Braun Strowman

(WWE.com)

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

It’s the “hoss battle” of Vince McMahon’s dreams. We’ve built up Reigns by having him inexplicably destroy the tag champs in pair of handicap matches. We’ve built up Strowman by having him defeat the Big Show in a surprisingly good match and break the ring with Roman Reigns during the contract signing. The WrestleMania implications here are more for Reigns. Braun seems destined for a Andre Battle Royal spot, which honestly, he’ll probably win. Reigns on the other hand seems destined for a match with Undertaker considering the way they positioned Reigns in the Royal Rumble match.

Take a shot:

Each time we’re reminded that he ring isn’t reinforced

For each Superman punch that Reigns connects with

Each time Strowman counters the Spear

Take 2 shots: 

If Strowman wins due to interference from the Undertaker

For each table that is broken during the match

If there are more boos than cheers when Roman’s music hits

Take 3 shots:

If Strowman wins clean without an appearance from Taker

If Strowman takes a chokeslam from Taker

If Strowman is DQed because Taker attacks Reigns

Take 4 shots:

If Roman wins clean and looks strong

Take 5 shots:

If Roman receives a mostly positive response from the crowd

Take 6 shots:

If Undertaker never shows before, during, or after the match

Finishing Out: I think Strowman wins. Likely due to DQ as Taker shows up, drops Strowman to get the DQ and goes after Reigns. We’re about a month from WrestleMania and with zero movement on what Taker is doing, so something getting started with Reigns here seems like the likely move.

WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game - Kevin Owens & Goldberg

(WWE.com)

Kevin Owens (c) vs. Goldberg (WWE Universal Championship match)

There’s been a decent build to this match despite Goldberg not really getting physical since the Royal Rumble. Owens’ promo work has been on point and he’s been carrying the feud on the mic since splitting with Jericho. There are a lot of ways this can go. Goldberg is already booked in a match with Brock Lesnar for WrestleMania. That match doesn’t necessarily need to be all about the top Raw title, but everyone seems to think it will be. Owens, on the other hand, has his break up with Chris Jericho to contend with, a returning Finn Balor to contend with, but, has the benefit of the “whatever Triple H is brewing up behind the scenes” on his side.

Take a shot:

If Owens enters first, even though he’s the top champ on Raw

If Goldberg bleeds before the match even starts

If the match is over in under 3 minutes

Each time Owens says “that’s why I’m the champ!”

If Chris Jericho doesn’t show up before, during, or after the match

If Brock Lesnar doesn’t show up before, during, or after the match

Take 2 shots:

If Goldberg enters first

If the match doesn’t make the 10 minute mark

For each Spear Goldberg hits (post-match segments, if any, are counted)

For each Jackhammer Goldberg hits (post-match segments, if any, are counted)

If Lesnar appears and it inadvertently allows Owens to retain

Take 3 shots:

If Triple H gets involved to help screw Goldberg

If the match goes 10 – 15 minutes

If Finn Balor appears during or after this match

If Samoa Joe gets involved to help screw Goldberg

Take 4 shots:

If Kevin Owens defies the odds and retains the Universal Championship by any means necessary

If this becomes an overbooked mess that involves the Rollins / Triple H feud in some form

If Mick Foley does anything during this match that will lead to his firing on Raw the next night

Take 5 shots:

If the match gets thrown out due to involvement from Brock Lesnar

If Brock Lesnar gives anyone a F5

Take 10 shots:

If the match goes 15+ minutes and feels like it’ll get at least 3 stars from Meltzer

Finish the entire liquor cabinet:

If Goldberg goes over Owens clean to become the new Universal Champion heading into WrestleMania

Finishing Out: I’m going to buck the trends and predict that Triple H’s new faction establishes itself here and either that or a Lesnar appearance ends up keeping the title on Owens. I’m also trying to be optimistic so I’m probably horribly, horribly wrong. Time will tell.

Well, that’s Turn Heel’s WWE Fastlane 2017 Drinking Game. We’ll be live tweeting the show as it goes down on our Twitter account, and of course we’ll have a full recap with commentary late Sunday evening. Be safe!

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