WWE SmackDown Live 05/30/17 features a Fatal Five Way match to determine who will face Naomi for the title at Money in the Bank. I’d imagine we’ll also get some form of “update” on Zayn’s condition after last week’s beat down by Corbin, a “dancing Lana is coming” vignette, and if we’re lucky, a new Fashion Files episode. Also, the return of Rusev and the New Day are also things that could realistically happen at any time. I’m sure nothing will be as bad as “Bayley, This Is Your Life“, so there’s that too! Let’s get to the recap.
WWE SmackDown Live 05/30/17 Recap
WWE. Then. Now. Forever. Cold open on each woman in tonight’s Fatal Five-Way Elimination Number One Contender’s Match cutting a promo saying why they’re going to win. They’ve done this before on SmackDown and I love it each time since it feels like a Saturday Night’s Main Event open.
Standard SmackDown Live opening credits, pyro, and we’re live from Atlanta. Greg Hamilton throws it to Kevin Owens who is already in the ring for Kevin Owens’ Highlight Reel. Man, it will be so great when Jericho returns and crashes some future Kevin Owens’ Hightlight Reel. Owens declares he’s going to win MITB, retain the U.S. Title, and cash in to become a double champion. Of course! His guest tonight is “WWE’s resident rock star, ‘the artist’ known as Shinsuke Nakamura.
NakamurasEntrance.mov while Owens makes a sour face. Owens cuts a promo on how mysterious Nakamura is and reminds him what he did to the last guy who walked around SmackDown Live like he was rock star. KO claims that MITB will be the “day that music dies“, Nakamura starts to respond, and Corbin interrupts.
Corbin alleges that no one cares what Nakamura has to say and puts over taking out Sami Zayn last week (w/ footage). KO is unimpressed because he’s been beating up Zayn for “15 years now” and tells Corbin to get the Hell off his show. Corbin responds by claiming he’s going to win the briefcase. Nakamura points out that he pinned KO last week and Corbin lost to Zayn. The predictable two-on-one beat down ensues on Nakamura and Zayn is out to make the save – after getting stretchered out last week. Seems legit. Zayn cuts a promo suggesting a tag team match, Nakamura seems on board, and we go to break.
Back from break, the tag match begins.
Match #1: Shinsuke Nakamura & Sami Zayn vs. Baron Corbin & Kevin Owens
Not quite as good as last week’s MITB contender tag match, but still pretty good. Any chance to get Nakamura working a match on TV is probably a good thing at this point. Despite the swap of Ziggler and AJ, we get the same result. Nakamura puts Owens away with a Kinshasa which leads me to believe we’re teasing a U.S. Title program between the two coming out of Money in the Bank. Unless of course, that’s a red herring and Nakamura wins the whole thing. Either way, the typical tag stuff happens until Owens goes into Corbin in the corner and an irate Corbin takes out KO. Saw that one coming a mile away.
Verdict: Thumbs In The Middle – Predictable that we’d get another tag with the PPV still weeks away. Points off for Zayn being 100% after getting taken out of the building by EMTs last week.
Post-match, Nakamura and Zayn both look up at the briefcase.
Next, the announcers shill the WWE Network.
Later tonight? A Fatal Five-Way Elimination Match.
Meanwhile, the Usos are backstage… walking. They’re going to address the entire tag division… next!
Back from break, the Usos are already in the ring. They put over beating American Alpha and Breezango and make a Falcons reference for cheap local heat. They’re interrupted by the returning New Day. The New Day waste zero time saying they want a title shot against the Usos. The Usos mention the “Uso Penitentiary” again, threaten to take the New Day out “Old Yeller style”, and allege that they run SmackDown Live. Woods says they don’t, but they talked to the guy who does (Shane) and someone is facing the Usos for the titles at MITB. That brings up the “Who?” spot and, shocking I know, it’s the New Day taking on the Usos for the title in a few weeks.
Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I was so over the New Day but a few months of them off TV has appeared to have freshened them up a bit.
Meanwhile, both AJ and Dolph Ziggler are preparing backstage. They’re facing off later tonight.
Up next? A Punjabi Celebration recap.
Back from break, a recap of last week’s Punjabi Celebration. I don’t recap recaps so…
Up next, this week’s Fashion Files installment. Tonight we’re doing a noir fiction story with Fandango as a detective shot in black and white. Brilliant. He finds the Fashion Police office has been ransacked, draws his water pistol, and sees the silhouette of a shapely woman. “Freeze, dirtbag!” becomes “Breeze, dirtbag” because it is Tyler Breeze dressed like a woman. They find a clue in the office which is some cologne. That can only mean they’re facing the Colóns later tonight?
Next, Charlotte is out for the elimination match and we go to break.
Back from break, Ellsworth is out to insult the South and introduce Carmella, who enters next. Tamina is out after that (w/ earlier today footage of Naomi wishing everyone luck). Natalya follows and Becky Lynch enters last.
So, a brawl breaks out and the match, as planned, never happens. The brawl is brutal though. Carmella goes into the barricaded time keeper’s area and Becky dives off onto her. Multiple women fly into the barricades, Charlotte hits a moonsault to the outside, and the coup de grace is Charlotte powerbombing Natalya through the announce table.
This brings out Shane McMahon who dances around in the ring while the women sell on the outside in an unintentionally hilarious visual. Shane decides that the only way this can be settled is by having the first ever Women’s Money in the Bank match at the PPV.
So, let me get this straight. Money in the Bank will have a ladder match that will be insane if this brawl was any indication, while Extreme Rules has a “stick on a pole” match that had the worst segment of 2017 as its “go home” hype piece. Okay. Just making sure.
Later tonight, Orton “responds” to Mahal. I don’t remember Mahal directly saying a ton about Orton last week (other than saying he beat him), but okay.
Up next? Breezango is taking on the Colóns – nailed it!
Back from break, the Colóns are already in the ring. Breezango are out next. Fandango in his noir detective trench coat and Breeze dressed up like the “dame”.
Match #2: Breezango vs. The Colóns
So. Breeze attempts to wrestle in a wig and dress, but it is not very effective. Fandango works the lion’s share of the match (wearing his trench coat for a bit), but the Colóns eventually isolate him. After Breeze gets knocked off the apron to prevent a hot tag, he re-emerges on the apron in his janitor’s outfit. I’m loving that it’s now canon that each time Breeze changes costumes, his health gets completely regenerated. Janitor Breeze gets the hot tag, goes on a run, Fandango and Primo start fighting over Breeze’s mop, and Breeze is able to use the distraction to hit the Unprettier for the win.
Verdict: Thumbs Up – I’m glad the return of the New Day didn’t signal the end of the Fashion Police’s momentum.
Next, Renee Young is backstage with AJ Styles. AJ mentions he’s ready to face Ziggler as a warm up to build momentum heading into MITB. Ziggler shows up and reminds us he’s the only dude in the bunch who has won the briefcase before. Ziggler wants to go right now, AJ takes off his shirt and accepts the challenge, but Ziggler backs off and leaves.
Back from break, Orton’s music hits and he’s out. Orton reminds us who he his and puts over his family’s legacy in the wrestling business. He says he’s not going to tell us he’s going to beat Mahal at MITB, he’s just going to do it. Orton proceeds to continue standing there talking about winning at MITB. Eventually Mahal’s music hits and he starts cutting a promo on the Titantron. We’re getting a bunch of the “same old” out of both guys because WWE seems uninterested in making this feud anything more than “Diversity!” and “I want my 14th title!”.
Up next? Dolph and AJ headline.
Back from break, Swann and Sasha Banks cut a promo in an attempt to get you to stick around for 205 Live.
Next week? Kevin Owens vs. Shinsuke Nakamura.
Dolph is out next (w/ footage of him cashing in MITB back in 2013 – oh hi, Del Rio!). AJ enters last.
Match #3: AJ Styles vs. Dolph Ziggler
Wow. They hometowned AJ. I suppose this is proof that they won’t hesitate to hometown Orton in a few weeks at the PPV. This is roughly the evenly booked match I expected to main event this far out from the PPV. AJ seems obsessed with hitting the Styles Clash on Ziggler from all of these unlikely places in the ring. Ziggler almost has to tap out to the Calf Crusher, when he rakes Styles’ eyes to break the hold. About there, I knew AJ was losing in Atlanta. Sure enough, he gets crotched on the ropes going for the Phenomenal Forearm and eats a Ziggler superkick.
Verdict: Thumbs In The Middle – I guess Dolph had to win at least once in the lead up to MITB to make it seem plausible he could win the ladder. Okay. Fine.
Post-match, Ziggler points at the briefcase as we go off the air.
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